I love this. Although it would probably get the paper in Sugar Land, Texas burned down if published there.
It is important in an election year for each American to understand just how to break the code. News media and political pundits are generally wary of the subject.
To help matters, here is a greatly abridged glossary of Republican code that voters can use to decipher the coming barrage of demagogic sound bites from the right wing.
Conservative - Despite the general understanding that a conservative would be one that "conserves," the right is not actually interested in con- serving anything. I've asked nearly every self-declared "Conservative" I've ever met just what it is that he or she wants to conserve, and I've yet to get a straight answer. However, from what I have observed, it seems to have something to do with being white and rich.
...
Family values or Christian values - Probably the most illusive of all Republican code, "family values" is often synonymous with its great grandfather, "conservative." But there are some new connotations too. For example, bigotry, or even outright hatred for homosexuals, is a "family value" in Republican code-speak.
...
Tax cuts - Perhaps the most clever and most effective of all Republican code, "tax cuts" is a cryptic way of saying to middleclass Republicans "We'll give you about $530." It is also a way of saying to a few hundred thousand of the richest Americans "We'll give you many thousands, pos- sibly even millions, of dollars."
Go read the whole thing, it'll take about a minute and make your day... it made mine. Happy Tuesday.
posted by Jo Fish on 04.27.04 at 02:52 AM
Comments:
OFFICIAL 2004 REPUBLICAN NATION CONVENTION PROGRAM
6:00 pm Opening Cross Burning Ceremony (Hoods optional).
6:30 pm Prayer by the flag pole.
6:40 pm N.R.A. pigeon shoot.
7:00 pm Prayer led by Charlton Heston
7:10 pm W.M.D. scavenger hunt.
7:20 pm Prayer led by Pat Robertson. 700 club donation drive.
7:25 pm (Men only) Army of God rally. (Women only) Dishwasher Demo.
7:45 pm Prayer led by Jerry Falwell and Tinky-Winky burning.
8:00 pm Fred Phelps Gay bashing rally by the barbed wire fence.
8:25 pm Prayer led by Fred Phelps
8:30 pm Workshops: (Men only) “WHITE POWER“ (Women only)“Home schooling your Children”
9:00 pm NRA’s history of the KKK led by Trent Lott in memory of Strohm Thurman
9:30 pm Intermission
10:00 pm Cross burning ceremony no. 2 (Hoods a Must!)
10:15 pm George Bush lands in a fighter jet. (only men under 5’5” on flight deck please).
10:30 pm George Bush speech “dow der der helldo my people, yeah well, I can hear ya’ll”!!!!!!!
10:40 pm Prayer led by Dick
10:50 pm Pledge of allegiance to Saudi Arabia led by Halliburton
11:00 pm Collect offerings for future attacks on abortion clinics
11:20 pm George Bush presents W.M.D. in France (Backup: France is better off without Chirac)
11:30 pm Enron rally led by Halliburton
11:45 pm Workshop: “Maximizing a Police State” led By John Ashcroft
11:59 pm Prayer led by Bush
12:00 am Nomination of the Republican candidate
don't forget pro-life: in "conservative" speak means that the government owns your uterus. you will not be deciding what goes on in their. You and what you decide to do with your ovaries is not a matter between yourself and God, or yourself and your doctor, or yourself and your family, it's the business of rich white males and extremists theocrats.
posted by: Carly on 04.27.04 at 03:07 PM [permalink]
consider giving Pat Robertson an extra five minutes so the Righties can we add a general category about the power of faith healing, and the role that plays in hurricane tracking.
posted by: Tim on 04.27.04 at 03:54 PM [permalink]
Sorry to burst your bubble their furious but, Tom Delay and Trent Lott both have current and active association with racists organizations and write for racists publications. Byrd renounced his associations with the Klan over fourty years ago. Do your homework, get your facts straight.
If you're interested in voting patterns, you might be relieved to know that Tom and Trent's appeals to racism are working, as racists organizations across the country overwhelmingly vote Republican.
You mean racist organizations like MEChA and Nation of Islam?
Chris Dodd (D-RI) disagrees with you, btw:
"SEN. CHRIS DODD (D), CONNECTICUT: Robert C. Byrd in my view, Mr. President, would have been right at anytime. You would have been right at the founding of this country. You would have been in the leadership of crafting this Constitution. You would have been right during the great conflict of civil war in this nation."
Which would be true, technically, since Nathan Bedford Forrest, the Founder of the Klan, was a Confederate cavalry officer.
***2004 Democratic National Convention Schedule***
6:00pm- Invocation (Cancelled due to ACLU lawsuit).
6:10pm- John Kerry gets Botox injection.
6:15pm- A.N.S.W.E.R. M.I.S.T. ('March in Solidarity with Tyranny') parade.
6:20pm- Moment of silence for bankrupt 'AirAmerica.com'
6:30pm- WORKSHOP: 'How make Giant paper-mache puppets', hosted by Greenpeace.
6:35pm- Fidel Castro addresses delegates via Satellite from Havana.
6:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
6:45pm- WORKSHOP: 'Vietnam is an EXCELLENT Campaign Issue', hosted by Terry McAuliffe.
6:50pm- Jose Bove' trashes the Food Court.
7:00pm- French National Anthem.
7:05pm- Hillary Clinton arrives on her broomstick.
7:10pm- Cocktail fundraiser for the 'Lackawanna Six Defense Fund'.
7:15pm- John Kerry votes FOR Party Platform.
7:20pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:25pm- WORKSHOP: 'Understanding Islamofascist Hatred of the West', hosted by Susan Sontag.
7:45pm- Short Film by Michael Moore.
7:50pm- WORKSHOP: 'Blame Israel for Everything', hosted by Cynthia McKinney.
8:15pm- John Kerry votes AGAINST Party Platform.
8:25pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm- Terrorist appeasement workshop.
8:45pm- WORKSHOP: 'How to Trash World Capitals on $40/day', hosted by RUCKUS Society.
9:00pm- Charlie Gibson burned in effigy.
9:05pm- Jesse Jackson hosts paternity workshop.
9:10pm- WORKSHOP: 'Ministering to Willing Interns', hosted by Bill Clinton.
9:15pm- Max Cleland addresses delegates, while John Kerry hides behind him.
9:30pm- * Intermission * (Refreshments hosted by Ted Kennedy)
10:00pm- Flag-burning ceremony in the parking lot.
10:15pm- Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20pm- Re-enactment of Chappaquiddick.
10:25pm- Fugitive financier Marc Rich addresses delegates via satellite from Switzerland.
10:30pm- Premiere of Howard Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!' Dance Mix video.
10:35pm- Re-enactment of Rachel Corrie's Bulldozer encounter.
10:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:45pm- WORKSHOP: 'Getting Past Mel Gibson's $400M "Passion" Payday', hosted by David Geffen.
10:50pm- Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
10:55pm- Wesley Clark registers as a Democrat.
11:00pm- Mumia abu Jamal addresses the delegates while strapped to a gurney.
11:05pm- Barbra Streisand reads from Shakespeare's 'Julius Caesar, confuses 'Iraq' with 'Iran'.
11:10pm- John Kerry gets SECOND Botox injection.
11:15pm- Jacques Chirac confers honorary French citizenship on John Kerry.
11:20pm- WORKSHOP: 'Consolidating Paternity Lawsuits', hosted by Jesse Jackson.
11:25pm- 'Saddam Hussein Defense Fund' Cocktail Fundraiser.
11:30pm- Trial lawyers present check to Terry McAuliffe for 50% stake in DNC.
11:35pm- Geo. Soros presents check to Terry McAuliffe for the other half.
11:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:45pm- Nominating Speaker Al Gore Wet-Kisses Mrs. Kerry.
12:00am- Nominee addresses the Convention to explain votes FOR/AGAINST Party Platform.
12:20am- Concluding Remarks: "Remember to Stuff the Ballot Boxes *BEFORE* the Election".
Update on the Democratic Convention -- Neil Boortz
This is almost too good to be true. John Kerry granted an interview to Black Entertainment Television and, wouldn't you just know it, one of the questions was about whether Al Sharpton would be a speaker at the Democratic National Convention. The Poodle's response? "If he wants to do it, I'd like him to do it. I think he'd do a terrific job. I think he'll add something...there's no plea necessary. It's my invitation." There's no way in hell Sharpton, who has never found a camera he didn't like, will turn down the invitation. You can bet he'll be there this summer to give his speech.
Actually .. .this is good news. Sharpton's appearance at the Democratic convention will give us an opportunity to highlight the moral decadence of the Democratic party. Sharpton is a lying pig, though they embrace him. Never has the saying "you're known by the company you keep" been more true.
Well .. here's an idea for Republicans. Start now demanding that Al Sharpton use this time at the Democratic National Convention to engage in the Democrats favorite form of moral exhibitionism! He can issue a few apologies!
Maybe Sharpton can use this speech to apologize to Steve Pagones. Sharpton accused Pagones, a prosecutor, of raping Tawana Brawley. Pagones later sued Sharpton and was awarded $345,000. Sharpton has yet to apologize for his role in the Brawley affair, and his unfounded and slanderous accusations against Pagones and others.
While Sharpton's on a roll, maybe he can apologize to the family of Yankel Rosenbaum. Rosenbaum was surrounded and stabbed to death by a Brooklyn mob shouting "kill the Jews." The crowd had been whipped into a frenzy by Al Sharpton railing against "diamond merchants" with "the blood of innocent babies" on their hands. What was this all about? A young black child was killed in a traffic accident. A Jew was driving the car that killed him.
Sharpton can finish by apologizing to the families of the seven employees of Freddy's Fashion Mart in Harlem. Freddy's, you see, was owned by a white Jew. The owner of Freddy's rents his space from a black landlord. He then rents a small portion of his space to a music store owned by a black man. The black landlord raises the rent on Freddy's Fashion Mart. This means that the owner of Freddy's, the white Jew, must raise the rent on the black man who owns the record store. Enter Al Sharpton. Sharpton starts leading demonstrations. He screams to the crowd that "We will not stand by and allow them to move this brother so that some white interloper can expand his business." Sharpton's mob starts yelling "Burn down the Jew store!" and "We're going to see that this cracker suffers." A protester enters the store. He warns all black customers to get out and then shoots four employees point-blank, then sets a fire. Seven employees dead. Sharpton owes them an apology.
The problem here, of course, is that demanding apologies is a Democratic sport, not a Republican one. Well .. why can't you Republicans take a play out of the Democratic book now! Get on the record .. .demand Sharpton's apologies. See if you get any media coverage.
Yeah, right.
posted by: DaNanger on 04.30.04 at 03:36 PM [permalink]
These are absolute facts, farts are fragrant to the goon as well.
Every time a mob in New York does something it's Sharpton's fault!
If any of this info had merit it would of already made headlines and McAwful would have nothing to do with him.
The Brawley case was his response to the Badgeribg of an accused's witness victim and such is the way things go in those matters.
The other incidents make for good comic books, the Facts and the Furious, big picture, giant type edition.
posted by: Mr.Murder on 04.30.04 at 04:18 PM [permalink]
Mr. Murder:
"If the Jews want to get it on," he said, "tell them to pin their yarmulkes back and come over to my house."
--the Rev. Al Sharpton
You defend Fat Al, you're a moral cretin, unworthy of acknowledgment.
Oh, and video footage of all of the above is available, and on its way to oppo research as we speak. Expect to see quite a bit of it playing during the Democratic Convention.
