January 31, 2006


SOTU Translator, 2006 Edition

Back again for another run at the jungle gym, Preznit 39 Percenter revs up another paen to the offended minorties, the utterly clueless and the people paying his bills. So here again are his "Outside Words, and his "Inside Words"...

Tonight we are comforted by the hope of a glad reunion with the husband who was taken from her so long ago, and we are grateful for the good life of Coretta Scott King.
There I said it, I couldn't see up Condi's dress tonight to see if she wore her special panties, the ones with no middle.
In a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate. But even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone, and our differences cannot be allowed to harden into anger.
Debate? Discourse? Jesus, they must think I'm a chump. A shame about that servant-boy, whatzizname? Oh yeah, Delay. Well, we've got another one to cut them obstructionists off at the knees this year.
On September 11th, 2001 ...
He He He, said it.
No one can deny the success of freedom, but some men rage and fight against it.
Let's see, I need both hands for this; Sammy, Dick, Fat Tony, Clarabel-er, Clarence, Dougie, Jerry, Al, Yoo (who?), Harriet, Ari, Scott, Bill, Tom, Denny, Jack, Pat, Jerry, Ralph, that little Coburn Fella, Rush, and of course, Karl. Freedom. Huh, what is it good for? Absolutely, nothing. Note to self, after I french kiss Joe this year, see about getting music for that.
We love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it.
PATRIOT Act, bitches. I own you!
We remain on the offensive in Afghanistan
Oh I hope I used my outside words, I hope I didn't say we find them brown folks over there smelly and offensive again. Karl's gonna be pissed if I used those inside words again. Heh Heh Heh, but I do find them offensive.
In less than three years, that nation has gone from dictatorship, to liberation, to sovereignty, to a constitution
And the best part is that none of these dumb-asses out here realize that in three years we have gone from a Constitution, Sovereignty and Liberation to a Dictatorship right here in 'Murka. I rock, oh, I'm doing a happy dance with Condi tonight after the lump takes her Xanax.
The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home.
Yeah, but not before I stuff a few more billion in Dick's old company. Gotta remember to ask him about my check.
With so much in the balance, those of us in public office have a duty to speak with candor.
And you thought NSA was monitorin' some terrarists, no been listenin' to you whiners...we've got the scaffolds bein' built now for some good ol' Texas Rope Partys.
Our men and women in uniform are making sacrifices – and showing a sense of duty stronger than all fear.
And I know about fear, I raised twins and stained my undies everytime I hadda do a midnight feedin' cause the lump was stoned and Momma wouldn't come over. Thank Jesus for the Air Force Postal Service and that job in Alabama.
In recent years, you and I have taken unprecedented action to fight AIDS and malaria, expand the education of girls, and reward developing nations that are moving forward with economic and political reform.
No I didn't. But I'm so far along that by now Chris Matthews has talked about the size of my unit after landing on the carrier at least twice, and that I boldly mentioned 9/11. Gotta have him over for a Q. He's got such a pretty mouth.
So tonight, I ask you to join me in creating a commission to examine the full impact of Baby Boom retirements on Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid.
Brownie did a heckuva job, wonder if he's available to chair that. Note to Karl, check.
We will strengthen Health Savings Accounts – by making sure individuals and small business employees can buy insurance with the same advantages that people working for big businesses now get.
He He He, those Wall Street donations are coming in already. So we fucked up Social Security for them. We'll win this one because no one, even me undertands what the hell this is all about. Oh sweet charity, it's beginning at home. Show me the Money Wall Street!
We must also change how we power our automobiles.
Hope that pig-farmer Grassely is happy now. There's for his damn ethanol, whatever that is, he keeps goin' on about.
So we strive to be a compassionate, decent, hopeful society.
Happy Dance, used compassionate. Love it!
Human life is a gift from our Creator – and that gift should never be discarded, devalued, or put up for sale.
Except when I get to strap'em to a gurney. Oooh, Snap! Love it!
A hopeful society expects elected officials to uphold the public trust.
I know those pictures are in the shredder, did it myself while Condi gave me a special massage wearing those special boots...
Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless America.
They buy that every year. I can't believe it. Okay, I'm out of here to slip Holy Joe a little Preznitial Tongue on my way to my booty call!

Mars, Bitches!
posted by Jo Fish on 01.31.06 at 09:23 PM





Comments:

Jo -

Tweety has a 'purdy mouf' - complete with that 'glazed donut look' around his lips and face.

Happens when you are the Preznit's chief fluffer, next to Pumpkinhead Russert.

posted by: Barndog on 02.01.06 at 08:15 AM [permalink]

How Do I get to comment, set up blog? I hear what you are saying,and brother I feel the pain brought on by georgie.

 posted by: Rich Punko on 02.01.06 at 06:22 PM [permalink]

I hope Dear Leader at least pet Holy Joe on the head; I just don't know what Holy Joe would do if Dear Leader just started taking it for granted that 'course was in the Shrub pocket and ignored him.

posted by: Nina on 02.01.06 at 10:18 PM [permalink]

This is very sad. Not a positive comment or constructive criticism to be found. And you wonder why Democrats are out of power.

 posted by: Altizer on 02.02.06 at 12:20 AM [permalink]

Altizer - ever try Free Republic or Little Green Footballs?

You are another stupid bastard. How do you operate with shit for brains anyway?

 posted by: Barndog on 02.03.06 at 04:52 AM [permalink]

Oh Altizer, it brings a tear to my eye, it does. Here we are, teasing a preznit who has demanded and has largely got, unitary powers. A lot of us here have this revererence for the Constitution of the United States and we are concerned when we see it under threat. I'm pleased you came here and exercised your right to free speech.

 posted by: Nina on 02.04.06 at 01:27 PM [permalink]


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All the original material © 2002-2003 Jo Fish
steal what you want, all I ask is an attribution of some sort
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